Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Good morning, gentle readers. I've been gone (as if there were anyone who was really aware of that!) because I made a mistake: when I came back to AF&PP at the beginning of the year, I got too fired up too soon, and tried to post something every day. Free advice from your favorite bullshitter--uh, I mean blogger: do not try to come roaring out of the gate when you're entering posts after a long layoff. You will burn out. But then, you can tell I'm pretty much toast anyway, can't you? No wonder you all stop by for breakfast every day.
First up, some very good news: my sister Sharon is now out of the hospital after collapsing last Thursday with what seems to have been a heart attack. I'm just guessing that because I know that her heart itself has sustained damage, but not to the point that it--and she--cannot recover with time, proper diet and exercise. I also know that she'd stopped taking medication she'd been prescribed for her thyroid gland, which is also in very bad shape, and that caused her bad cholesterol to skyrocket to a level of nearly 4oo; and given the fact that she is a little thing--barely five feet and probably no more than 100 pounds--well, I'm just glad she's alive right now. I've mentioned in a previous post that I have a personal Martha Stewart anecdote. The reason I did so is because it involves Sharon, and it should provide plenty of insight to her character. You see, Sharon is a long time employee at a KMart in South Carolina, and of course KMart has a deal to sell all things Martha Stewart. So the corporate bigwigs at KMart sponsored a contest between all their nationwide stores, and the winner of the competition was to get a personal vist from Martha herself! Guess whose store earned that blessing? Anyway, the big day arrived and so did Martha. Everything was probably fine and dandy until Martha snapped at Sharon--I believe these are the exact words--"Hey, you--get me some coffee!" How I wish I could have been there to see Martha's face when my sister Sharon--whom we sometimes refer to as "The Short Tornado"--snapped right back, "My name ain't 'Hey You'--and the coffee's over there!" How she remained employed, I'll never know. But I'm proud of her anyway. I just hope that once Martha is out, she doesn't come seeking revenge. You know how those criminals are once they're out of the lockup...and who knows what kinds of tricks she's learned in prison?
Next up: yesterday was Valentine's Day. I've spent much of the past 4 days sending ecards and VDay wishes to a lot of people. Okay, so they were all female people. They're all very nice ladies who I chat with online, and it only seemed polite to let them know I appreciate their talking to me at all. And no, they aren't some kind of harem; I've never met most of them personally, and don't expect to. Not that I wouldn't; they're all terrific. It's just that I'm in the early stages of terminal bachelorhood, and I don't know of any woman who'd want someone like that. I'm not saying that can't change, either; but I'd rather be the best of the rest of one lady's life than for her to be the best three weeks or months or whatever of mine, so long as she isn't named Teresa and she's not from Nashville. (Those of you who automaticaly assume that's a real person in my past should go to my archive, specifically the month of March last year. That way I don't have to explain the reference.) I don't know of anyone I could be that for, at this time. Anyway, most if not all of my chat friends have been given a lot of grief by ex-husbands or boyfriends, and I don't care to add to it, though I am glad they trust me enough to talk to me, and for that I went to the trouble to wish them all a happy VDay. 'Nuff said. It would be nice, though, if the day hadn't been co-opted and commercialized by corporations whose only interest is in using an otherwise harmless holiday tradition to bleed money from us in every possible way.
First up, some very good news: my sister Sharon is now out of the hospital after collapsing last Thursday with what seems to have been a heart attack. I'm just guessing that because I know that her heart itself has sustained damage, but not to the point that it--and she--cannot recover with time, proper diet and exercise. I also know that she'd stopped taking medication she'd been prescribed for her thyroid gland, which is also in very bad shape, and that caused her bad cholesterol to skyrocket to a level of nearly 4oo; and given the fact that she is a little thing--barely five feet and probably no more than 100 pounds--well, I'm just glad she's alive right now. I've mentioned in a previous post that I have a personal Martha Stewart anecdote. The reason I did so is because it involves Sharon, and it should provide plenty of insight to her character. You see, Sharon is a long time employee at a KMart in South Carolina, and of course KMart has a deal to sell all things Martha Stewart. So the corporate bigwigs at KMart sponsored a contest between all their nationwide stores, and the winner of the competition was to get a personal vist from Martha herself! Guess whose store earned that blessing? Anyway, the big day arrived and so did Martha. Everything was probably fine and dandy until Martha snapped at Sharon--I believe these are the exact words--"Hey, you--get me some coffee!" How I wish I could have been there to see Martha's face when my sister Sharon--whom we sometimes refer to as "The Short Tornado"--snapped right back, "My name ain't 'Hey You'--and the coffee's over there!" How she remained employed, I'll never know. But I'm proud of her anyway. I just hope that once Martha is out, she doesn't come seeking revenge. You know how those criminals are once they're out of the lockup...and who knows what kinds of tricks she's learned in prison?
Next up: yesterday was Valentine's Day. I've spent much of the past 4 days sending ecards and VDay wishes to a lot of people. Okay, so they were all female people. They're all very nice ladies who I chat with online, and it only seemed polite to let them know I appreciate their talking to me at all. And no, they aren't some kind of harem; I've never met most of them personally, and don't expect to. Not that I wouldn't; they're all terrific. It's just that I'm in the early stages of terminal bachelorhood, and I don't know of any woman who'd want someone like that. I'm not saying that can't change, either; but I'd rather be the best of the rest of one lady's life than for her to be the best three weeks or months or whatever of mine, so long as she isn't named Teresa and she's not from Nashville. (Those of you who automaticaly assume that's a real person in my past should go to my archive, specifically the month of March last year. That way I don't have to explain the reference.) I don't know of anyone I could be that for, at this time. Anyway, most if not all of my chat friends have been given a lot of grief by ex-husbands or boyfriends, and I don't care to add to it, though I am glad they trust me enough to talk to me, and for that I went to the trouble to wish them all a happy VDay. 'Nuff said. It would be nice, though, if the day hadn't been co-opted and commercialized by corporations whose only interest is in using an otherwise harmless holiday tradition to bleed money from us in every possible way.
